It's good I was asked to write to you about Alpha because if I tried to tell you aloud, I would cry tears of joy. The folks at CPLC and those in the Alpha Program changed my life.
I'd been trying to find the right "something" for years. I thought life was hard and too many people self-absorbed and uncaring. Of course, there were many good people in my midst, but without a loving and integrative community, I had no center. I was so lost, I didn't even understand that I was missing a relationship with God, and that to find that relationship, I needed other people.
I was born Catholic. While seeking, I tried many kinds of "worship" out there: I tried Episcopalianism, Presbyterianism and Quakerism, sects I respected, but at the time, just couldn't commit to. I tried Unitarianism, Baptist-ism and numerous kinds of non-denominationalism. I tried Mormonism, Buddhism, and, via a persuasion I'll forever bemoan, I tried a New Age adaptation of Native Americanism:
Imagine a group of serious New Age seekers, all of Anglo-European descent, not a Native American in attendance, sitting in a makeshift sweat lodge chanting non-denominational prayers to a non-denominational God because "I'm okay and you're okay." It was all I could do not to laugh at myself, and in the process, disrespect the other earnest seekers, who took their form of worship seriously.
Simultaneously, as an academic, I flirted with the ideas of Humanism, Pantheism and Mysticism. The Lennon and McCartney. The Allen Ginsberg and Naruda poets. I tried many forms of worship, and only Episcopalianism and Presbyterianism felt right. But nowhere, nowhere could I find a group that allowed my questions, or that could answer them, honestly, and without fear of the questions themselves.
That's what Alpha is about. That's why I loved and will always love my first Alpha experience. I came to the group skeptical, disillusioned, in pain, and with an intellectual hardhead. I came with the fear of being rejected again, for who I was, for the issues on my mind, for the questions I had to ask. But I was hopeful, though barely, that a group might answer me in a meaningful way.
I got much more. The pastors, my Alpha group leaders, my small group members and the Alpha participants at large accepted me, who I am and where I'm at, encouraged and supported me in my process of questioning, respected our differences, without any judgment. They did what Jesus would do.
Here, I came hoping that folks might care about me, just a little. I got more. I came expecting rejection for what I thought were awful questions. I got none. I came full of anger at God the Father and an unintelligible paradox, a love for God the Son. No one called me crazy.
I found all that at Alpha. I find that in the people of CLPC. And at CLPC - I am still somewhat abashed to admit - I found a relationship with God. I can feel Him now. Here is a poem that describes my experience at CLPC and with the Alpha Program.
The love of God, unutterable and perfect,
Flows into a pure soul the way that light
Rushes into a transparent object.
The more love that it finds, the more it gives
Itself; so that, as we grow clear and open,
The more complete the joy of loving is.
And the more souls who resonate together,
The greater the intensity of their love,
For, mirror like, each soul reflects the others.
...excerpt from Dante
I discovered you can't find God alone. He is speaking through the eyes, the words, the hands, the minds, and the hearts of other people. Here at CLPC and in Alpha, the people's minds and hearts are open. They reach out, they welcome, they show joy. They demonstrate the compassion and courage of our Lord.
-Lindsey